Learning from the Journey: Last Part

      There were many reasons I was scared of surgery.  I didn’t want to be on medication for the rest of my life.  I didn’t want a three-inch scar across my neck.  I didn’t want to have a thyroid storm (where the thyroid freaks out and it could cause me to gain 20 pounds in 2 weeks) during surgery.  I didn’t want to wait a few months for my neck to heal to start dancing again. I was scared that my vocal cords would be permanently damaged (rarely happens but a possibility).  There were many other reasons I didn’t want to have surgery but when the morning came I was ready to get it over with.

       The lady at the desk signed me in, and then got my dad to sign my papers.  Apparently I was supposed to sign those papers, but she didn’t know that I wasn’t a minor…Yes I know.  I’m 19 and I look like I’m 12.  So, I signed some paperwork and I was off!  I got really nervous because this was my first time in the hospital…besides when I was born of course!  My mom, dad, and grandad came back for the last couple minutes before I went into surgery.  I gave them all hugs from my bed and my grandad gave me kiss on the forehead from him and my nana.  It was one of the sweetest moments ever. 

       They wheeled me off to the operation room.  I changed tables and I remember the crew all looking over me, giving me oxygen, and knocked me out…

       I woke up later, in another room, tried to rub my eye but hit myself in the face cause my arms were like noodles  I had some ice chips and then I could go up to my recovery room.  The room looked like a hotel, so.  I got to change into the cutest little gown you ever saw haha! My face was green from the stuff the used to sterilize. The surgeon said everything went extremely well, and I didn't have a thyroid storm.  My dad told him we had been blessed with many prayers.  

      It was like starting from the beginning.  I learned to swallow apple juice, then jello, and worked my way up to ice cream!  I learned to lift my head again but I still couldn’t turn it.  Later a walk down the hall and back made me extremely tired.  By the time I would finally fall asleep I would have to wake up to check vital signs, or get calcium tests, or take pain killers, etc.  The nurse was so nice though!  And I had a great time catching up on Say Yes to The Dress and HGTV.

        Now I’m home, recovering well.  But it’s not over yet!  My voice is still hoarse but getting better.  I still have to see if I need eye surgery or radiation.  It could take a while to get my medicine adjusted and all.  So I still get to do more waiting! Yay! :) I think I might have accidently prayed for patience a couple months ago…  Because I am learning ALL about patience now.  If I do get the opportunity to serve a mission, doesn’t matter where, I’m going to be SOOO grateful for it.  Without this little trial, I feel that I might have taken the experience for granted. 

      One of my favorite quotes right now is “Life is a hard teacher because it gives the test first and the lesson later.”  So even though a lot of things don’t make sense in the present moment, they will make sense in hindsight because everything happens for a reason.  You may not understand it today.  You may not understand it tomorrow, but later down on your journey that trial will have prepared you in a way nothing else could have.  I still don’t understand the meaning behind a lot of these things happening in my life but I’ve gained a lot from this experience that I wouldn’t have learned in any other way.  I learned that there is always someone who has it worse.  Everyone has different trials, specific and unique.  I wouldn’t trade my experience for someone else’s hardships.  These hard times mold us into the person we will become.

Learning From the Journey Part 2

         I know God surrounds us with certain people for a reason.  I was able to pack everything I brought to college in one day, thanks to other people’s help.  I was brought boxes, tape, ice cream for a packing break :) My roommate drove me around, several people helped me carry the heavy boxes to the post office.  I have always been an independent person and I like to do things on my own.  I hate asking people for help and I hate being a burden.  So it was extremely hard for me to humble myself and receive my friends help.  There is no way I could have done it on my own.  This experience helped me know that God answers our prayers, and often times He likes to answer them through other people.  How can we pray for strength and comfort in times of need but turn away people when they ask if we need help?

         This is also the first time in my life when I have been able to feel God’s love for me through other people.  I have never, had so many people praying for me at one time in my life.  God has blessed me with strength because of the family and friends I have praying for me.  There are no words to describe how grateful I am for the notes, support, and prayers I have received during this time.

          After I got home, my blood test came back and I found out the thyroid medication had actually made my white blood count even lower, dangerously lower.  I was basically quarantined to keep me from getting sick.  So I was stuck in the house for like 30 days waiting for surgery.  I wasn’t allowed to go to church or be around friends which was hard for me because I like being social.  The only time I left the house was for doctor’s appointments and to go to my great-grandpa’s funeral who we called Dad.  I was so grateful I could attend the beautiful funeral.

          One doctor’s appointment I was allowed to leave the house for was the ophthalmologist.  We arrived and they put the drops in to dilate my eyes and then the doctor left the room…Apparently I was allergic to the eye drops because they cut off access to a nerve in my neck.  The last thing I remember was telling my dad “I am going to pass out now.” My dad said I slid out of the chair and he called for help as I had a seizure-like episode.  It took a while for me to come to.  Let’s just say…I won’t be using the dilating drops ever again.

         Later, I did an MRI on my eyes and they found the inflamed tissue as suspected, but there was nothing else they could do until after surgery.

Learning from the Journey Part 1

I had it all planned out! I would be a dance major, camp counselor, serve a mission, study abroad, etc.  Sometimes I think God looks down on me and says laughingly “That’s so cute you think you have it all planned out, but I have something better in store for you.”  I have learned recently that God has a plan and a purpose for each of us.  We may not understand His plan at first, but His plan is more rewarding than anything we could plan for ourselves.

I wasn’t feeling my best for a while and I knew something was up!  So at Thanksgiving when I flew home from college, I went to the doctor.  They discovered that I had hyperthyroidism which resulted in me having anxiety, loosing a lot of my hair, weight gain, being exhausted during dance class, etc.  Because it wasn’t very serious they put me on medication that would take care of the symptoms and I flew back to college after the break.

I went to get my physical so I could turn in my mission papers.  My blood work came back and I was neutropenic, meaning I had the white blood cell count of a cancer patient (caused by my hyperthyroidism).   This meant things were a little more serious.  So I was put on some thyroid medication and was scheduled to see a specialist. 

I just want to state that I did NOT have a positive attitude throughout this whole experience; I have had some low points even though I've learned some things.  It was annoying just waiting and wondering, frustrating when things didn’t work.  It was hard watching a lot of my friends get mission calls.  I was happy for them, but it also reminded me of what I wanted to do so badly but couldn’t yet. 

After leaving the endocrinologist, I was trying to soak in the new information.  As I walked in the snow, I processed that I had Graves’ disease and Graves’ ophthalmology.  Graves’ disease is an autoimmune disease that attacks the thyroid.  Graves’ caused my thyroid to be overactive.  Graves’ ophthalmology caused the tissue behind my eyes to be swollen so I had a staring gaze.  They could do iodine radiation treatment on my thyroid but that could make my eyes worse. So I would need surgery within the next month.

It’s hard to be alone and away from home when you get this kind of news so I had tears in my eyes.  Somehow I had gotten lost (I seem to get lost a lot!) and was about 30 minutes away from our apartment, walking distance.  Then I slipped and slid down a snowy hill.  When I got to the bottom of the hill I wanted to just sit there and cry…until I realized my phone was missing.  So I was digging through the snow and finally found my phone (which sounds funny in hindsight).

I started walking again and thought “Is going on a mission really going to be worth all this?  Am I even supposed to go on a mission? Why is this happening?  What am I supposed to learn?  First, my audition for the dance major didn’t go well, and now I need to drop out of my classes, pack, and fly home for surgery… I officially have no idea what I am supposed to do with my life right now…” 

Later, I still didn’t have the answers to these questions but I did know that I have a deeper appreciation for Jesus Christ.  I know that He suffered and died on the cross not only for my sins, but for every pain, sorrow, heartache I’ve ever felt.   I can never say “I feel so alone.  No one understands how I feel.”  Because I am not alone.  Christ knows exactly how I feel and I can turn to him for comfort.